[開悟卡] 關係牌組 獨立
This role is a compensation for a painful place of heartbreak, jealousy, sacrifice or loss.
The extent of our independence is also the extent to which we are afraid of intimacy and of being in the vulnerable position of receiving because it would bring up the old painful feelings.
What we are attempting to do through this role is dissociate from painful feelings.
Unfortunately, this cuts off the ability to feel at all, including the positive feelings and the potential of receiving.
So, the extent of jour independence is the extent of both our heartbreak and sacrifice, which we have yet to heal.
Independent people tend to be hard on both themselves and others.
Part of the problem is their belief that ‘if the job is going to be done right, it has to be done by me’.
The other part of the problem is that this leads to sacrifice, giving without receiving, which is a role in which we do not give our true self.
Because independent people are afraid of intimacy and of receiving, they will attempt to run away from situations, either physically or emotionally, as a way of ‘solving’ the problem.
This includes being stoic or dissociative.
This may be a hidden competition, in which one becomes so good that no one else dares compete, or becomes so good that one develops a jaded ‘why-bother-competing-at-all’ attitude.
這可能是一個隱藏的競爭，它變得如此好，沒有人敢於競爭，或因為如此美好，以至於人們發展出了一個 “為什麼要這麼麻煩” 的態度。（意思是，因為變得太好了，我們何必去質疑這樣是否ＯＫ－關於把工作都讓給一個人承擔，或者不再願意檢討交流。）
Psychologically, competition is a form of avoidance which puts all the emphasis on winning.
This can be very destructive in a relationship, since competition’s underlying objective is avoidance of (or distraction from) the real next step forward.
Success here will mean a new level of joining with others.
It will reflect your willingness not to be afraid of painful feelings and your own or others’ needs, and your willingness to feel even the hidden ones until they transform to positive feelings.
Graduating from independence to true partnership and interdependence clears out feelings of dissociation, power struggle and deadness in relationships, and moves you into the richness of life which comes with intimacy and connection.